Do They Like Me?

I want to bebunk a myth that some teachers use to hide the fact that they really have little real interest in their kids. How many times have you heard a teacher say, "I'm not here to be liked. It doesn't matter if they like me or not."? I have news for you. Of course it matters. Just because they are young does not mean that kids are not perceptive. They know whether you have their true best interests at heart. They can feel if you truly care or are just marking time until the end of the day, week, term or even career. And if they truly know that caring and compassion are coming from you they will like you. It has nothing to do with how strict you are, because if you are tuned in to your students, and teach from a place of honesty and truth you will be liked. You may be firm in your expectations but when they know you care, they will be totally okay with that. And you can be easy going, but if there is no heart in it, they will not be okay with it. When your actions come from the heart, your students know it and feel it, and no matter what your teaching style is, they will like and respect you because they are sure you feel the same about them. By all means have your structure and expectations, but take time to find out where they come from, and if you know it comes from a good place you need not be concerned with whether they like you or not. You will see it how they act and what they do. If your methods come from ego, a need to control or anything that is less than honest, they will never learn anything meaningful. To boot, they will not like you and in this case it does matter.

Who Is It For?

Last week a heard a couple of conversations between parents and teachers which truly had me shaking my head. One involved parents who were concerned that their child was only achieving A's and B+'s on their report card and they wanted to know how they could help her improve. The second equally puzzling piece of parenting was the mother who announced that their child spent 2 to 3 hours practicing the piano everyday, on top of several other classes each week which filled in her spare time. Like with the sports parent who lives their life through the success of their child on the field or at the rink, you have to ask the question, "Who is it for?" If the child were given the choice would they decide to spend each waking hour pursuing so called excellence? There is nothing wrong with children striving to do well in school. Following a geniune interest in sports or arts can be rewarding. But filling a child's head with the notion that their worth comes from high marks or trophies is to negate everything that is wonderful in the ordinary life of being a child. Be careful what you expect from your children or students. Ask yourself what the motivation behind it all is. If you cannot honestly say it is for the child themself, then you are fooling yourself and your child.

Shed The Should

One of the words which needs to be trashed or at least put on the back burner when talking about students is the word "should". You hear it all the time when teachers talk about students who don't quite measure up. Jimmy should be reading at such and such a level. Susie should know better than to do that. The list is infinite. We are constantly measuring our kids with some imaginary meter stick. Whenever they fail to meet our expectations we bring out the "S" word. While there are times for concern if a child is showing significant delays, in most cases the expectations and levels we arrive at for our students are completely arbitrary. But many of us are beside ourselves because our kids are not where they should be. The media is one of the worst perpetrators of this myth by constantly implying that kids don't measure up. To what? We move along at our pace and we try to help our kids keep up, but when they are unable or even unwilling, lamenting where we imagine they should be is an exercise in futility. They are where they are. If that is a problem, and let's look deep and see who indeed has the problem, then instead of moaning about it let's see where we can motivate, encourage and nurture their interest and excitement about learning and maybe life.

I repeat, if there are obviously serious issues then we as proffessionals know where to go with that. In most cases though, it is our own egos that make us manic about where our kids should be.

And when you talk to kids, try to get rid of that word. No one wants to here that they should be more like so and so, or they should be acting a certain way. Guide them, re-direct them where needed, but don't make them think they should be anyone else than themselves, because that is exactly who they are and that is totally okay.

Happy Christmas

One of the biggest benefits to teaching is the holidays. No, I don't mean the actual time off work, although it is a welcome break. Rather it is the infectious joy that comes from being around children during special occassions. It is a time when you cannot help but become caught up in their excitement and enthusiasm. At Christmas, we are also able to let go a bit of our need to achieve, we can relax and forget about deadlines and merely do things because they are fun and we know the kids will enjoy them. In the New Year try to remember that and let it guide you through the more hectic times and perhaps give you some clarity. Maybe the need to always be accomplishing something and our mania over due dates and expectations is largely self made. In the long term we will finish what we need to do and what doesn't get completed on time can wait for another date. Try to keep things exciting and fresh. Have fun while you are learning together. Happy Christmas and all the best for 2011.

Life As A Theme

In an effort to develop a more holistic approach to education, many boards and individual schools are pushing character development in the curriculum. Often, each month has a featured theme such as caring and kindness, responsibility or empathy. While this may be well intentioned, it can often become lost as just another concept kids learn and then throw away, like long division. If you are involved in this project please be sure that kids understand that these traits are not like a light that you can turn on or off because someone is watching. Rather they are all interconnected and come from an awareness of others, from being able to see and hear others deeply. We may recognize one particular characteristic each month, but when we truly practice mindfulness, when we move away from ego and start to see the rest of the world, our whole being radiates all of these qualities with no effort at all. In fact, we can't help but show them in everything we say and do.

A Treasure In Stories

There is a legend about a powerful warrior who spent most of his life conquering and pillaging kingdoms and monasteries. In one such monastery he had little trouble breaking through the gates and massacring many of the monks. However, suddenly an old monk jumped out in front of his horse. The warrior angrily shouted. “Old man, do you know who I am? Do you know that I can run you through with my sword and not give it a second thought?” Calmly the monk replied, “Brave knight, do you know who I am? I can let you can run me through with your sword and not give it a second thought.” It is said that at that moment, the knight was so overwhelmed he dropped his sword and vowed to follow the master.

Stories such as this are wonderful ways of teaching about true power and insight. Kids love old legends and folk tales and they have many opinions about the meaning of this and other similar stories. When you are teaching values, go back to the traditional stories from cultures around the world. They are a storehouse of wisdom and will be the springboard to many an engaging and rewarding conversation.

What Do Your Kids See?

As teachers we like to use words. In fact, words are an integral part of the job. However, as teachers we also tend to use too many words. Simple advice turns into lectures. Corrections become sermons and requests are often a chance for us to mount a soap box. Remember that kids are people and most people have no desire to be on the receiving end of byzantine babble and self important pontification. There are times when the fireside chat is in order, but a general rule of thumb is that simple is better. Kids will remember how you carry yourself long after they have forgotten your words.